


Open Road

by masterwords



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner Needs a Hug, Episode: s04e02 The Angel Maker, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Protective David Rossi, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:47:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27597749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterwords/pseuds/masterwords
Summary: Beginning with a re-imagining of bits and pieces of the episode "The Angel Maker" (S4e2), paying a little more attention to what was happening with Hotchner and his ear injury from "Mayhem" (S4e1), we then take a trip from Lower Canaan, Ohio back to Virginia with Hotch and Rossi.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Comments: 32
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> When I watch this episode, I always wish they'd taken a little more time with Hotch and this injury so I decided to jump in and put my own spin on it. Draw out the whumps just a smidge. (As a pretty obvious disclaimer - I don't own any of it, it was already brilliant but I just selfishly wanted more Hotch.) I may continue this for a chapter or two, just to draw out more fluffy cute, because I can't write Hotch whump and ignore my OTP. My apologies for the choppy writing in places, my flow was off today. Much love!

The intensity of the ringing in his ear lead to a pain that nearly brought Aaron Hotchner to his knees. He hadn't expected it. As the coffin was raised from its bed, metal scraping metal and echoing through the cemetery, he reeled and stumbled backward, away from the sound. The soft, wet grass made his footsteps feel heavy as he dragged himself away from the grave side. He could feel Emily nearby, see her through waves of pain and nausea, but it took all of his strength to try and focus through the torture in his skull. 

“I'm ok, I'm ok...” he muttered, desperately, more for himself than for Emily. “I'm ok.” He didn't watch as Emily walked back to the grave, but he knew she was irritated and rightly so but it didn't matter. He righted himself, squared his shoulders and gulped a big breath of the clean night air to try and calm his shaky stomach – he just had to get through this and then he could go sleep it off alone. He walked slowly back, only to be confronted by an open, empty grave and the angry faces of his friends – this was going to be one miserable case. Another deep breath. His vision was slowly clearing, the fog lifting just enough to talk to his colleagues, and though he could see them all sharing concerned glances, none of them bothered to ask him about what had happened to him and for that he was eternally grateful. They had enough on their plates without having to take care of him as well. 

Once they'd finished up at the cemetery and called it a night, each of them went their separate ways. Aaron decided he'd walk back to the roadside motel they'd all been staying in – it was less than a mile away and he was desperate for the quiet, country road to calm the storm in his head. His hands were still shaking, he couldn't get over just how fast the pain had come and how he couldn't control his reaction to it. The ordeal was making him feel sick just thinking about it. As he walked along, the only sounds were those of his shoes crunching the gravel and dirt underfoot and some owls hooting off in the distance. The air smelled sweet and fresh, unlike the city air he was accustomed to, and it helped calm his stomach. By the time he'd reached his motel room, he was left only with a dull ache in his head and a constant, low ringing in his ear. He entered his room quickly and locked both deadbolts behind him, force of habit, before shedding his suit in favor of a t-shirt and sweatpants. The room was dark, save for one small lamp near the bed that he'd left turned on earlier, casting a soft pool of light over the remote control for the tv, which was attached to the nightstand. As he wandered around the room, preparing his clothes and toiletries for the next day, he heard a soft knock at the door. It was faint and hard to hear, and at first he thought it may have been coming from one of the neighboring rooms so he waited until it happened again, this time a little louder. He padded over to the door, glancing at the alarm clock that read far too late for visitors, but there was Rossi on the other side of the peep hole. 

“Dave,” Aaron murmured softly as he opened the door to his friend, eyeing him standing there in his jeans and a t-shirt, holding a 6 pack of cheap beer and a pizza. He stepped aside and let his friend in, locking the door behind them quickly. 

“I figured you'd be hungry,” Dave said, very matter-of-factly, in a tone that Aaron saw right through. When Dave said and did things like this, he always affected such a casual air, but he was worried about his friend and he couldn't mask it as well as he thought he could. Aaron just smiled and nodded. 

“I am, thank you,” he replied in a clipped tone, trying to play it cool himself, as though Dave hadn't just watched him have a complete breakdown in front of everyone just a short time ago. Dave watched him for a moment before opening the pizza box on the small table and popping open two of the cans of beer, handing one to Aaron. He noted the way Aaron rubbed his hands on his pants first, the slight tremble in his fingers, before grabbing the can. 

“Cheers,” Dave said, clinking the cans together rather ceremoniously and gulping down a huge drink. Aaron followed suit, feeling the alcohol course through him and scrunching up his nose a bit when the bubbles fought their way up into his sinuses. 

“Aaron - “ Dave began, settling into the chair beside the small table, leaving Aaron to sit on his bed to eat. “Are you alright?” 

“I'm fine,” it was an automatic reply. He hadn't even regarded the question, the answer just flowed so easily. Dave watched him suspiciously and carefully selected his next words. 

“What happened at the cemetary tonight?” he asked, leaving very little room for his friend to skirt this one. Aaron chewed his pizza in thought, his dark eyes searching his friend for what little mercy he could offer. 

“It's my ear, that's all, it's fine really.”

“You didn't seem fine,” Dave said, and there it was, he wasn't going to hold back anymore. At this point, Aaron had two choices – either open up and talk, or kick Dave out, and though he didn't want to do either one, kicking Dave out seemed like the worse option...if only by a little. 

“Loud noises,” Aaron began, his voice quiet and a little defeated. “I'm just supposed to avoid loud noises until my ear is healed. The machine tonight was _so loud_ , I didn't expect it, and it just...” he paused for a moment, unsure how to articulate what he needed to say. “It gives me a headache, right away. It's not a big deal. I just need to be more careful, it was my fault.” 

“Aaron...” Dave's voice was soft now, the tone of accusation had gone and left only concern. “I'm sorry, I had no idea,” he said finally, and the statement made Aaron's stomach do a flip. He shook his head, holding his fingertips gently to his forehead and rubbing at the residual soreness above his eyebrows from earlier, the headache that never really seemed to go away anymore but awoke like a beast at the first loud noise. 

“I didn't tell anyone,” Aaron muttered, closing his eyes as he rubbed gently at his sore head. “I don't want anyone else to know, please.” Dave just nodded knowingly and went back to eating his pizza in silence, allowing Aaron his moment of stillness. They ate the rest of the pizza without more than a few words between them, Dave just watching his friend carefully, feeling compelled to help but not knowing where to start. The two of them had always been close, and lately he'd felt them getting closer in new ways but Aaron kept his walls up. He kept his fortress locked tight against friend and foe, so much so that Dave often felt like he was tunneling in – he'd get so far, then the roof would collapse and he'd have to dig himself out and start again. He knew it was worth the effort, but every now and then he just needed to see the flicker of a light at the end of the tunnel. 

“Of course,” Dave replied solemnly, their eyes locking now in the murky yellow light. Dave crushed his beer can slightly, indicating that it was spent, and reached for another. “You can stay at the station tomorrow, I'll go out with Emily to meet the wacko – it should be you that stays close to manage the townspeople milling around anyway. JJ could use your help, I'm no good there. ”

“Dave, I,” Aaron protested, but Dave just shook his head. “Okay. Okay.”

“You say you're fine and I'll do my best to believe you, but let's just play it safe for the day. Give me this one thing.” 

Aaron nodded, he couldn't argue with Dave – he wasn't going to win it, and if he pressed harder Dave may tell the whole team what was going on and he'd be worse off. Dave had all the cards here, to play at his will. After Aaron's agreement to play it safe, the subject was changed to the case and they finished their beers off before saying goodnight. As Dave left, Aaron felt a soft pang of sadness – he'd almost hoped their visit would last all night. 

…......................................

The next day was long and uneventful to begin with, but by the end of the day they'd managed to solve the case and were on the hunt for their killer. Though Dave protested Aaron's involvement in the field, he relented quietly, knowing he couldn't actually do anything to stop his boss from being present when they confronted their unsub. He stood between Aaron and Emily as their unsub came out of the house and pointed her gun at them, and he'd watched with his stomach in knots as she readied herself to fire, oblivious to the fact that Aaron was standing next to the sheriff who was just as trigger happy as the girl was. When the gun went off, Dave watched Chloe hit the ground and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Aaron reel backwards, grabbing his head in agony and his first thought was that somehow he'd been shot before coming to his senses and realizing what had actually happened. Without a second thought, he let Emily go with the Sheriff to see about their killer and he grabbed for Aaron, pulling him in close. Aaron let his friend pull him in, the sound of the gunshot still ricocheting through his skull, tearing him apart from the inside out. He could barely stand, he had no idea what was happening around him. He felt like he was going to be sick and fought against it, gripping at his head for dear life, trying to stop it from flying to pieces from the mounting pressure, but he could feel Dave's arms around him, holding him up, holding him close. The scene around them devolved into controlled chaos, ambulances, police, FBI all swirling around and somehow Dave managed to slip them away unnoticed and into the car the team had come in, helping Aaron into the front seat. He'd have to go back, but like a thief in the night, he'd managed to save his friend the agony of having the entire town and his team see him like this. The drive back to the motel was silent save for small noises Aaron made every now and then, just trying not to be sick, trying not to cry. Dave walked him to his room, helped him collapse into bed, and exited quietly – he still had work to do, as much as he wanted to stay. When Dave had locked the door behind him, Aaron felt the rush of tears burning down his cheeks, the sickness boiling to the surface in his stomach and he leaped out of bed and toward the bathroom just in time to lose the contents of his stomach into the toilet. Over and over again, the pain in his head would scream, the ringing was deafening, and then the sickness came. He collapsed, after hours of the same, beside the toilet. He'd hoped that Dave would come back, come be with him, but he never did. The morning came without any sleep, and he knew they were going to be flying out today. The ringing in his ear was softer now but it hadn't stopped like times before, and his head felt fragile, like he'd managed to glue it back together but it would take so little to shatter it completely. He was a wreck, there was no way he could manage a flight back to Quantico in this state. It took everything in him to pull himself together, take a shower, and make a call to rent a car to drive back. The car wouldn't be available for a few hours yet, it had to be brought in from a larger city nearby, which gave him time to check out of his motel room and walk to the sheriff's station to make his farewells. The rest of the team had already driven down there, and Aaron wasn't sure how, but he knew Dave had convinced them to let him be. His walk to the station was quiet and short, the heat was beating down on him furiously but it felt nice to be out in the sunlight. Everything seemed unnatural, filmy, like a surrealist painting through his exhaustion but he managed to make it to the station without incident. 

It took everything he had to make the final preparations for the team to exit, talking with the sheriff, but when he saw the rental car out of the corner of his eye he felt a sense of peace – his way out. As he knew would happen, Emily and the team protested at first when he told them, but they didn't press the issue for long and he was grateful. He grabbed his brief case from the back of the SUV and headed for his own vehicle, launching it inside with his go bag before beginning to shut the back hatch. He saw another bag slide in before he'd gotten the hatch closed and turned to see Dave's smiling face, holding his hand out for the keys. 

“You didn't sleep last night,” was all he said, now taking the keys from his friend's hand and gesturing for him to finish closing the hatch. Aaron closed the hatch softly, flinching at the sound even that made, and stood dumbfounded for a moment, his tired brain struggling to make senses of what was happening. 

“Dave, you don't have to - “ Aaron began, but Dave was already sliding into the driver's seat and adjusting it to his preferences. Aaron sat himself in the passenger seat and closed his car door as quietly as he could. He reclined his seat just a little, enough to relieve the pressure in his head that being upright was making worse and settled in. 

“I know. I want to, this is a beautiful drive...if you like, we could stretch it out a day or two...I've been this way a few times, I know some cute little motels and restaurants along the way. After the week you've had, I think you could use a little time away. Call me an opportunist, I saw a chance for a little time off myself and I took it.” 

Aaron regarded his friend silently as he started the car and pulled out of the gravel lot, heading eastward down the long country road, nothing but blue skies and farmland as far as the eye could see. He tried to relax into the seat, laying his head back against the head rest and closing his eyes against the surreal swimming feeling of the car moving. 

“I know that Kate,” Dave began, seeing his friend turn his head slightly toward him at her name. He paused, waiting for the dust to settle after just saying her name before he continued. 

“It's not about her,” Aaron replied quietly. 

“She was your friend,” Dave retorted, and Aaron sat up this time, his face pinched with pain and sadness. 

“She was, and what happened to her was awful. I know what everyone said behind our backs, but it wasn't like that, I was never...” his voice hitched in his throat. He'd almost slipped and said something he couldn't take back – and everything inside of him, for some reason, desperately wanted to continue though he tried to stuff it down. 

“I know,” Dave replied quietly, his voice gentle and soothing, and he let his hand find its way to his friend's, twining their fingers together and squeezing. “I know.” Aaron squeezed back softly and what passed through them with that touch was worth a thousand words, a million tiny moments of electricity between them. 

“She asked me,” Aaron started, resting his head against the seat again, letting the soft tears slip down his cheeks now. He was at his wits end, exhausted and hurting and sad, he couldn't hold up the walls right now, the weight was too great. “She asked me if you knew how I felt about you, because she could see it right away, as soon as we got to New York. I laughed. She laughed, because she knew the answer already. She kept at it, even when she was lying there on that street dying, she kept asking me to tell you. There was nothing I could do to help her...nothing...so I promised her I would...”

“You weren't going to,” Dave finished his sentence with a chuckle. “If I hadn't forced my way into this car...”

Aaron wiped at the sticky trails of tears on his cheeks and smiled, turning his sad, dark eyes toward his friend. “You're right.”

“You still _technically_ haven't,” Dave said softly, smiling, his dark eyes scanning the road ahead for somewhere to stop and eat. He knew there was a little breakfast joint coming up and he didn't want to miss it. 

“Dave,” Aaron sighed softly. “I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to cross this bridge, I never have. I've been staring at it for a long time, waiting to take the first step but hoping you'd come my way first...”

“I'm already here, Aaron. I don't need a big gesture, lord knows I'd never choose you if that was what I needed...” At that, they both chuckled, and for the first time in over a week, Aaron felt peaceful. He sat with the ringing and the pain and the exhaustion, but he felt peaceful and happy. 

“But,” Aaron said, a little sarcastically, and Dave laughed. 

“But...I'd like for you to say it. Just once.”

“No.”

“If you want to stop for breakfast, you'd better say it.”

“Not hungry.”

“Aaron...”

“Nope. Not happening.”

The diner seemed to come of out of nowhere, but Dave managed to make the turn quickly and pull into the busy parking lot. There were semi-trucks everywhere, some empty, some with sleeping drivers, and peppered in between the hulking trucks were minivans and SUVs, families on road trips with restless children and hungry parents who needed a break. Dave was concerned about the noise for a moment, but when they entered, he watched his friend carefully and decided it would be OK. Whatever the noise was making him feel, he seemed to be able to manage it. Once seated, they ordered their meals quickly and, contrary to what he'd said prior, Aaron was in fact very hungry and ate an entire omelet and sourdough toast without pausing for breath. The noise level in the restaurant made it difficult for Aaron to talk, he was just trying to keep himself together, so the two men sat and ate without more than a few words between them. At the end of the meal, Aaron grabbed the bill before Dave could and paid for their ticket with a wry smile. 

“You're infuriating,” Dave muttered before excusing himself to the restroom before they headed back out onto the road. Aaron made his way to the counter to chat with the waitress as she rang them up, before going to wait in the car. 

When Dave made his way out of the restaurant, the waitress stopped him and handed him a small box with a note on top and smiled. He paused just outside of the door and opened the box to see a slice of cherry pie sitting inside with a plastic fork leaning against its side. The note, in Aaron's writing, simply said _”Drive slow. Stop often.”_ , which brought a soft smile to Dave's lips. He approached the car quickly, eager to get on the road again with his friend. As he slid into the car, he noticed that Aaron had leaned his seat back and appeared to be fast asleep. Dave set the piece of pie onto the floor in the back of the car and headed back out onto the highway, prepared to take his friend's advice and stretch this trip out as long as he could.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Diving into Hotch's past abuse a little here. I can't see a way to have him fall in love and not have that be a part of his baggage, and I can't see a way in which it could deter Rossi one bit. I hope you enjoy!

Dusk was a thing of beauty out in the farmlands of flyover country USA, golden bursts flowing over the cornfields and purple and pink clouds floating just out of reach. Dave had been driving for hours in silence, every so often glancing over at Aaron who hadn't moved a muscle since they'd left the diner that morning. Dave had stopped to enjoy the slice of pie and a coffee for lunch, leaving the engine idling so his friend didn't wake while he sat on a roadside bench at what seemed to be a relic of a bus stop in the middle of nowhere. He could see the filmy glow of a city on the horizon and planned to stop just prior to entry, find a little roadside motel they could pull into and get some sleep. He'd been taking the scenic route, always veering off on the slower route his GPS tried to lead him, listening to the soft sound of Aaron Hotchner sleeping beside him. It felt surreal, this moment, this day, it was something he'd waited endlessly for and never saw coming, not really. He didn't know where things would go once Aaron was awake, but for now, he was basking in this feeling that everything was _right_.

“Where are we?” came the husky, sleep drunk voice of Aaron Hotchner as the car came to a full stop in a small, dusty parking lot. Dave looked over at him and smiled, a little twinkle in his eye. 

“No idea.” 

“Really?” asked Aaron, pushing the button and slowly raising his seat to an upright position. He could feel the pressure slowly building again behind his ears and eyes, but he breathed through it and just allowed it to be what it would be. 

“Near as I can tell, we're somewhere outside of...Cincinatti?” Dave waited for Aaron's response, waited to see if he was with it enough to catch on. 

“Cincinatti? That's not on the way...oh.”

“What can I say? I guess I got lost...” 

Aaron laughed a little nervously, which made Dave burst at the seams with joy. 

“I'm going to go check us in to our five star lodging,” Dave began, watching as Aaron unbuckled himself and arched his back. “After we're in, I think you should take a shower and I'll pop out and find us something to eat...and drink.”

Aaron considered this for a moment and nodded his approval – his head was pounding again and he was stiff and sore from sleeping in the car all day, a shower sounded heavenly. He stepped out into the cool summer evening and leaned against the car, breathing the country air deep into his lungs. Everything was quiet, no cars passing by, no people talking, just quiet – the animals weren't even out making noise yet. 

“Room 3, dead ahead,” Dave called, tossing the keys in Aaron's direction and heading to the back of the SUV to grab their bags. Aaron reached out and caught the keys quickly and approached the door to their room, the weight of what was happening hitting him halfway to the door – he was about to share a hotel room with David Rossi in a non-work capacity, after basically just laying it all out on the line hours before. The moment felt huge and powerful, almost suffocating, but as he clicked the key in the lock, he knew it was also going to be just fine. 

Their room was small, with a cold linoleum floor and one queen sized bed bolted to the wall. There was a small tv stand with an old, tube tv also bolted to the wall. He walked into the bathroom to examine where he'd be showering soon and found himself nearly erupting into fits of laughter at the sight of it – the heart shaped bath tub, filled with wilted flower petals and surrounded by dusty candles. 

“Dave?” he called, hearing his friend enter the room. 

“Oh good, I asked for the honeymoon suite!” Dave announced, entering the bathroom with delight. 

“You're not even going to try to lie about it being the only room available huh?” Aaron asked, cocking an eyebrow at his friend. Dave just laughed and turned on his heel, leaving the bathroom as quickly as he'd entered. 

“I wouldn't dare,” he said, unzipping his bag to hang up his suit in the small closet. “I think its lovely.”

“There's no shower, Dave,” Aaron called, still staring in horror at the tub. Dave laughed louder. 

“I know.”

“You expect me...” Aaron started, his voice trailing off as he began scooping rose petals out of the tub and piling them up near the sink. 

“I sure do.” 

“I take it back. All of it. Every word.”

“Oh? And what words would those be? You still haven't said anything...” Dave prodded, poking his head into the room to watch his friend pulling petal after petal off of the tub, some having stuck there in the dust for longer than either one would care to think. Aaron froze for a moment and laughed. 

“Food. Now.”

With that, Dave nodded his approval and made his way back out of the room, intending to bring back a feast for them. His plan had already succeeded – he knew how mortified Aaron would be at this situation, at having to open up, his feelings being so raw in the car earlier, so he knew he'd needed to inject some humor into the situation. As he drove, trying to find a pizza place or somewhere to get some quick food, he imagined Aaron in that tub and it brought him more joy than anything had in ages. 

It had taken nearly an hour to find a restaurant and get his food, but he was satisfied – it had been a small Italian joint with pizzas and lasagna and they were next door to a small liquor store where he'd been able to grab a bottle of wine. He'd had some time to reflect on the day, the night they were inevitably to have, and text with Emily about all of it – she'd been the only person to see Hotch twice in the state he was in, and had reached out concerned. The rest of the team seemed oblivious, and it was probably for the better right now, but he was grateful to be able to talk it out with Emily. She knew, she saw it all, the looks and the tenderness between them, she was anything but oblivious. 

“Aaron?” he asked, walking into the room with his arms full of their feast. He could hear the jets in the tub running, so he set down the food on the table and went about setting everything out, readying it for them to just sit down and eat. This room, unlike the one in Lower Canaan, had two seats for the table so they could sit like civilized adults and have a meal together. Once everything was set up and the wine was poured and aerating, he made way into the bathroom – the lights were out and the candles were lit, and he could see Aaron lying with his head against a bath pillow looking as peaceful as could be. 

“Aaron?” he asked, softly, hoping not to startle his friend. 

“Mmm...” came the response, Aaron opening one eye and then the other slowly, suspiciously. “Dinner smells good.”

“You look like you're enjoying the honeymoon tub.”

“It's ok,” came the response, Aaron sitting himself upright now, the water bubbling and foamy almost up to his chin. “We should eat in here.”

“There are rules against that sort of thing, I signed a waver...” Dave replied coolly, to which both men chuckled. Dave left the room and moved back to the table, allowing Aaron to get himself out of the tub and let it drain before coming out, wearing a tshirt and sweatpants that hung low on his hips. It wasn't the first time Dave had noticed just how pristine the other man's body was, his lithe figure slinking around in all its perfection, but it was the first time he'd been given permission to really look and really appreciate. Dave was a lover of beauty in all things, and Aaron Hotchner with his damp bed head walking into the room in his old grey sweatpants and wrinkled black tshirt was nothing short of spectacular. 

“What?” Aaron asked, making his way to the table and having a seat, eyeing his friend suspiciously. 

“Nothing,” Dave replied softly. Aaron shifted in his seat, trying to get comfortable in the stiff chair. Since the explosion, his entire body ached all the time, it just took a backseat to the pounding in his head so he hadn't paid it much attention but he'd noticed with some pleasure that sitting in that ridiculous bath tub had helped. 

“Thank you, Dave,” Aaron muttered, beginning to shove the salad around on his plate side to side with his fork with a shaky hand. His mood had shifted somewhere between the tub and the table, Dave could feel the air in the room stifling a little and he considered whether to make light of it or let it take its natural course. Ultimately, he knew it would follow its natural course whether he tested out a joke and got a laugh or not, there was something gnawing at his friend and it would come out with or without his help. 

“For what?” Dave asked, sipping his wine and cocking an eyebrow. He cut a small bite of the lasagna and, with some trepidation, put it into his mouth. To his surprise, it was not bad at all, so he took another bite as he waited for his friend's reply. 

“I don't know how to do this, I never have,” Aaron replied, his voice as shaky as his hands. “When Hailey left, I thought I'd screwed things up with the only person who could ever love me.”

“What made you think that?”

“She made it pretty clear how hard she had to keep trying until she finally gave up, it was too hard...”

“It wasn't you, Aaron,”

“Everyone says that. It wasn't me, it was the job, but that's not what she said. That's not...”

“Listen,” Dave began, setting his fork down on his plate and folding his hands in front of his face, leaning forward with an air of seriousness he had been trying to avoid this entire evening. “If she had to work that hard to love you, then it was her problem. If she had to make you feel like it was you who was unlovable, then that was _her problem_. I know you still love her, and I'm sure she still loves you...sometimes people say cruel things in order to make a hard decision feel better or right. She had a hard choice to make, but let me tell you right now...I know you better than most people, I've seen you at some pretty low points over the years, and I've never once found it hard to love you, or want to be around you. I've been irritated by you, I've wanted to punch you a few times, but it was never hard to love you through all of it. Loving you is _easy_.”

Dave sat back in his chair like a cat who'd just devoured a canary, wholly satisfied with himself. He'd managed to shove everything that could possibly make his friend uncomfortable into one long point, and now he got to sit back and watch as Aaron worked through un-boxing everything that he'd just received. He could see Aaron's hand trembling and the wet look his eyes had taken on, pools of tears welling up like tiny crystals in the lamp light. The silence was almost deafening. Aaron could feel the blood pounding behind his ears, his forehead throbbing mercilessly and the whole room seemed to start spinning out of control. With a quickness his body absolutely fought against, Aaron leapt to his feet and rushed to the bathroom, swinging the door shut behind him before being sick in the toilet. He was panicking now and the pressure from his panic was making everything feel shaky and surreal, the room was spinning and the pain in his head was almost unbearable. 

Dave watched his friend rush to the bathroom and heard what happened next. Shaking his head, he scooted himself away from the table and made his way to the bathroom, standing sentinel beside the door. 

“Are you ok?” Dave called softly through the door, rapping a few times with his knuckles. A few more moments of silence and the door opened, revealing Aaron, pale and trembling, just standing there staring hard at the other man. He'd managed to breathe through his panic, at least enough to pull himself together and clean himself up. He could remember the first time Hailey had said she loved him, his reaction had been just as visceral, just as awful – he had a hard time coping with emotion, with people wanting him around. Dave wanted to reach for him, to pull him in close, but he could see that it wasn't the time so he just backed away, allowing Aaron to come out of the bathroom. 

“When I was a child, I'd hear my parents fighting – my mom would cry out that she loved him, that she was on his side, that she needed him, and he'd stop after a while, he'd stop when she'd begged enough. I never heard them say they loved each other except when he was hurting her. When he'd come for me, I tried it too – I'd tell him I loved him,” Aaron's voice was soft and deep, hitching in his throat more than once, but he pumped his fists at his sides and continued. “Crying, blubbering I love you daddy...he never stopped for me, though. Always stopped for her, never me...”

“Aaron,” Dave began, reaching out with one hand to grab his friend's hand gently, holding it softly. Aaron was just staring straight ahead, as if in a trance. 

“No, Dave, I know. I've heard it all. But when you're six and your father hits you harder because you're telling him you love him, when you're twelve and he breaks your arm because you ask him to help you with a girl problem, you learn a few things about yourself along the way too. Sure, he was a monster, but what was I? What am I?”

“You aren't a monster,” Dave said softly, squeezing Aaron's hand. Aaron nodded. 

“Sure,” he whispered, his voice catching this time on the lump in his throat. He tried to say more but couldn't, his voice wouldn't come back, it had settled in with the burning in his chest. 

“I can't speak to your childhood, and I wouldn't dream of trying to analyze it for you - “ Dave began, his voice soft and gentle, his grip on Aaron's hand firm. “But I can speak to the man I know, right now. The man standing in front of me who would give his life for any of his friends without a second thought, the man who sits for hours after everyone else goes home doing all of the busy work so his team doesn't have to, the man who takes the calls from above and takes those reprimands for something stupid we've done and never once takes it out on us. I can speak to the father you are, loving and gentle, engaged when you're with him, filled with pride at who he is becoming. I can speak to the husband you were, the husband you tried to be even when it was falling apart. I don't see a monster, I see a man doing his best to hold his head high and walk through life without hurting the people he loves. I can see you trying harder not to hurt people than anyone I've ever known...and I can see that you don't give yourself the same courtesy. It's a damn shame you can't see that you deserve it too.”

Aaron stood still for a long time, just taking in the moment, trying to breathe through his mounting panic. “I'm sorry, Dave, you tried to make this evening...”

“Don't do that. Don't you dare,” Dave replied firmly, pulling him in for a hug now. He was done playing this cat and mouse game, trying to chase Aaron and his reeling emotions all over the place. Aaron froze in the embrace at first, but he didn't try to pull away, Dave's arms were the only thing in the world now holding him together. It all came out, his ragged breathing, chest heaving, hot tears flowing down his cheeks – his mess was spilling out all over Dave, and to his eternal surprise, Dave didn't try to run away, didn't push him away, didn't tell him to suck it up. He just held him tight and let it happen. When it was over, when his body stopped shaking and his breathing returned to normal, Dave loosened his grip and allowed Aaron to back away, swiping at his eyes and cheeks with the back of his hands. 

“You know, a guy could get a complex...” Dave started, a wry smile curving on his lips. “I hope you don't have a panic attack every time I tell you I love you.” Aaron tried to laugh, but it sounded wrong, painful and he sighed, reaching out and collapsing on the bed, resting his throbbing head in his hands. 

“I wouldn't hold your breath,” he whispered into his hands, fingertips rubbing at his sore forehead. “I'm broken, Dave. This mess is me. Hailey is a strong woman and she couldn't keep going. It was more than just my job, it was me. She said she couldn't keep picking up my pieces because I never had time to notice that she was falling apart, too. She was right.”

“Maybe she was,” Dave said, sitting down beside the other man on the bed, his arm circling Aaron's shoulders and pulling him close. He knew Aaron didn't need another pep talk, it wouldn't help, he just needed someone to listen for once – really listen. He didn't open up like this, and right now it was just pouring out – Dave wanted to help, wanted to say all the right things, but he was intuitive enough to know when to just shut his mouth and listen. He doubted whether anyone really ever did that for the other man, or if they always just tried to fix him. It was easy to want to fix him, when he opened up it felt so raw and wrong that you just wanted to make it better but he was never better for it. Dave had tried it before, too many times to count he'd made the mistake of thinking Aaron's opening up meant he wanted advice when he'd only wanted someone to really hear him. 

After a few moments of silence, Aaron began talking again, his voice low and raspy, raw and painful in his burning chest. “When Hailey told me she loved me for the first time, we were in my car in her parents' driveway. We'd just gone out roller skating with friends, she loved it, I hated every minute of it but I was just glad to be with her and not at home. She thanked me for taking her out, kissed me on the cheek and said she loved me, right there like it was nothing...I opened my door and threw up all over the driveway. She laughed at me and went inside while I hosed down her driveway...she didn't talk to me for days after, but she didn't tell anyone about it either. I expected to be the laughing stock at school but she never said a word. She could have humiliated me, and I would have deserved it. But she didn't.”

Dave stroked Aaron's hair, tangling his fingers in the soft mess. “Good for her,” he said, feeling like he needed to say something, to acknowledge he was listening, but wanting to keep it short. “For a teenager, that's impressive.” 

“I guess so,” Aaron muttered sadly. “I couldn't understand it. Why wouldn't she tell everyone? I wet my bed when I was 10 and my dad put the mattress out on the front porch for all of my friends to see. That felt normal. I couldn't understand why she didn't tell the entire school. It took me over a week to ask her, to _accuse her_ of foul play because I just didn't get it...and then she said it again. She didn't get mad or defensive, she just said she loved me and that's why she hadn't said anything. When you said it earlier, like it was the most natural thing on the planet, like I should already know so there didn't need to be any big reveal...all of those moments just came back so quickly, moments I'd spent years trying to understand and make peace with. I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry that after decades, I still don't have my shit together enough to react appropriately to someone saying they love me.” 

The last sentence made Dave chuckle softly and shake his head. “I'm under no impression that either one of us has our shit together,” he muttered, glancing longingly at his glass of wine. “You're an absolute disaster, but so am I. Let's finish our dinner and wine. You can talk as much as you want, I'll never stop listening...but I am starving.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I'm just over here indulging my undying love of Hotch/Rossi - it's either coming close to a conclusion or it could go on forever. My apologies for the delay getting chapters up!

The morning light found the two men lying beside one another in the stiff, over starched motel sheets. They'd stayed up much of the night prior talking and finishing the bottle of wine, Aaron pouring out his soul until he was utterly spent and Dave just sitting quietly, giving him all the space he needed to just release it all. Dave woke first, breathing in the soft, sweaty sleep smell of their bodies in the bed and smiled as he untangled himself from the sheets and got himself dressed as quietly as he could. With a backward glance at his sleeping friend, he left the room to go and find them some breakfast before checking out and hitting the road. 

When he returned, the room was cleaned up and their bags were packed and waiting by the door, bed linens neatly stripped and in a pile on the mattress. He could hear the sink running and see Aaron's shadow moving around, washing himself up and shaving. He set the bag of food down on the table and made his way to the bathroom doorway, leaning there silently for a moment just taking in the view – Aaron looked crisp and pressed, hair slicked and face shaven. He was wearing two day old slacks and a white button down, the remnants from the bottom of his go bag, but you'd never know it by looking at him. 

“Well you sure clean up nice,” Dave muttered from the doorway, eliciting a soft smile from Aaron at the sink. 

“Smoke and mirrors,” came Aaron's reply as he tapped his razor on the sink and dried it off. He slid from the sink to the doorway, coming face to face with Dave now, taking in all of his beautiful soft features in the filtered morning light. He took a deep breath, settling his stomach and the flip flops it was doing, and put his hands on Dave's shoulders. Dave looked at him a little suspiciously, Aaron's sharp features softening into in a smile as he leaned in and pressed a kiss to Dave's unsuspecting lips, his hands now finding their way to the back of his neck, holding him close. When he released the other man, he just stood before him, not wanting to let him go. For the first time in a week, the pounding in his head wasn't coming from his ear but from his racing heart and pure endorphins. 

“If you throw up on me right now...” Dave whispered, an elfish twinkle in his eye. Aaron laughed and shoved him a little to the side, walking out of the bathroom now shaking his head. 

“What?!” Dave called, feigning hurt. “It was a valid concern!” He followed Aaron into the main room and began pulling food out of the brown bag, yogurt and bagels and fruit, the best he could do at the small grocery store he'd found that was hardly more than a convenience store. Aaron regarded the food suspiciously, but plucked an apple out of the pile and began shining it with his sleeve. 

“What's the plan for today?” Aaron asked, biting into the now very shiny red apple. He knew he wasn't going to like the answer, but he asked anyway. 

“Thought we'd see where the road takes us...” Dave replied coyly, knowing well and good how much Aaron hated every bit of not planning out every stop and timing it all. 

“And how does Strauss feel about this? You've cleared this with her I presume...”

“I have,” Dave replied, not wanting to get into the details of that one. He could already sense danger here. “She approves.”

“You told her what happened...”

“I gave her the necessary information to get what I wanted.”

“You ratted me out.”

“I did what I had to do.” 

“ _Whatever you say_ ,” Aaron muttered, taking another bite. He was irritated but he could tell Dave was amused which only made it worse. He'd have to deal with Strauss later, probably under some sort of investigation into his clearance to return to the field – the woman thrived on internal investigations and it seemed to make her gleeful when he was the subject. He couldn't blame Dave for telling her, there was no other course of action to get a few days off, but it still stung a little not to be consulted first. He'd just have to let it go, what was done was done and it was done with good intentions. 

Silence fell over the room for a few minutes while they ate, considering the day ahead of them. Aaron thought about the night prior, how vulnerable he'd been, and cringed inwardly – he'd have to keep it together today, though he still felt like he was bursting at his seams. The last thing he needed was to drown Dave in his torment and run him off. He'd already done that to Hailey, and she'd taken vows to stay with him - Dave was under no obligation to stick around. 

“Last night,” Aaron began, and Dave just shook his head. 

“Don't do it,” Dave warned, and Aaron almost seemed to shrink before his eyes. He hadn't intended to be so harsh, but he wasn't going to just allow the other man to wallow in misery over opening himself up. “What I mean is,” he started again, softening his tone this time. “You didn't do anything wrong so if you were going to apologize...don't.” 

Aaron considered Dave's statement for a moment, tossing his apple core into the trash. “Understood.” His tone was clipped, and Dave noted that he had almost seemed to fold into himself, retreating into some safe corner of his fortress as if he'd been reprimanded. For a moment Dave felt miserable, like he'd kicked a puppy. 

“Aaron, I didn't mean...”

“No, it's fine. I understand. We should go.” 

The car ride began in silence, and Dave knew he should have kept his mouth shut earlier. He'd meant to make the other man feel better or less guilty about their night, but instead he'd inadvertently hurt him. He knew Aaron would warm back up eventually, he just needed to ride out the hurt, so he kept this mouth shut this time. With Aaron, less was always more. Every few miles he glanced over, noting how Aaron seemed to be shifting in his seat a lot, like he couldn't get comfortable. The further they went in silence, the more his concern grew that Aaron wasn't still upset about earlier but that something might actually be wrong. He watched the miles tick away, creeping along the interstate, and every time he thought he might try to break the silence something told him to just keep quiet and drive, to give Aaron his space. Dave had an incessant need to protect and take care of people, and Aaron had all the look of someone who desperately needed that but he was so intensely private and already outside of his comfort zone that Dave knew to tread lightly. As they crossed into West Virginia in silence, Dave felt like he was the one bursting at the seams – two hours of silent driving and watching his friend squirm. 

“Are you alright?” Dave finally asked, peering at his friend out of the corner of his eye. Aaron sighed and closed his eyes, folding his arms protectively over his midsection. The face he made as he shifted again told Dave all he needed to know. 

“I'm fine,” was his reply, but his voice sounded weak and unsure and his hands were trembling as he hugged at his torso. Dave scanned ahead and saw a sign for a rest stop five miles ahead so he made plans to pull off as soon as possible. Those five miles seemed to stretch on forever, and he kept glancing at his friend with a look of worry – he looked pale now and he'd nearly curled around himself in the seat. Finally the rest stop appeared and he quickly pulled into the first spot he could grab and threw the car in park. He unbuckled and exited the car, moving around to his friend's door and opening it, leaning in close to the other man. Placing his hand on Aaron's shoulder gently, he spoke. 

“Aaron?” he asked softly, rousing his friend. “You look like you need some air.”

Aaron opened his eyes and looked at his friend, his dark eyes hiding none of the agony he was feeling. His head was thundering now and his entire body ached. He'd started feeling ill after the first few miles and was hoping he could just sleep it off, but it just kept getting worse. Slowly, he uncurled himself in his seat and stepped out of the car, steadying himself against the open door. As his feet planted on the ground, he felt his entire body relax and his stomach begin to calm down. 

“How can I help?” Dave asked, his hands now against Aaron's arms to help steady him. Aaron shook his head and forced something resembling a smile. His eyes were stormy and serious, but his features softened just a little with relief at not being in the moving car any longer. 

“You already did,” he said softly, taking a deep, shaky breath and releasing it. “Motion sickness I guess.”

“Well _that's_ going to make things interesting...”

“Having any second thoughts yet?” Hotch grinned a little, it was thin and sickly, but it was something. An olive branch. 

“None whatsoever,” Dave replied. “Next time you could tell me though, instead of making me guess. I just drove 150 miles wondering if I should stop and you didn't say a word.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't realize...I've never had trouble with that before...I just figured it'd pass.”

“It's probably your ear,” Dave offered casually and Aaron nodded in agreement. “Why don't we take a little walk? Looks like there's a trail over there for people to walk their dogs.”

“What exactly are you implying?”

“Not a thing...”

The two men set off quietly on the trail in the middle of nowhere, a path through a small wooded area on the side of the road somewhere in West Virginia. On the trail they didn't run into any other people, just birds and chipmunks and squirrels darting across their path. They walked in silence for much of the time, Aaron trying to collect himself and Dave just being present. The path veered up and down through the little wooded patch of land, twisting and turning in on itself to make it seem like you were really going somewhere. 

“We could be home by dinnertime,” Dave offered, breaking the silence. “If you want.”

Aaron regarded the statement thoughtfully. The idea that he could be sleeping in his own bed tonight was tempting. They'd been on the road now for a couple of weeks, give or take a few days at home, and his body had been put through the ringer. He was exhausted and in constant pain, but there was a small part of him that felt a pang of sadness at the thought of just being home by himself in that cold, lifeless apartment. No Hailey, no Jack, no Dave, just him and his thoughts. 

“What do you want?” Aaron asked, finally, getting his bearings. He grabbed Dave's hand in his own and squeezed gently. Dave considered the question at length, silently reveling in their sudden connection. This, he thought with a smile, he'd wanted this. The rest was inconsequential.

“Lunch,” he replied finally as they broke out of the trail and back into the sunny parking lot. “I'd like lunch. We're just outside of Huntington, I know a little place...”

Aaron laughed and shook his head. “You always know a little place.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, that was Strauss,” Dave sighed, putting his phone back into his pocket and sliding into the booth opposite Aaron, folding his hands on the table. They'd ended up at a small restaurant that served Chinese and American food, decorated moderately and nearly empty save for a group a few tables away laughing and enjoying themselves rather noisily. Every so often the oldest man in the group let out a loud burst of laughter and Dave watched as Aaron flinched each time but maintained his composure. Dave wanted to march over there and ask them to mind their manners, but instead he settled for just hoping the group finished their food and left soon. 

“What did she have to say?” Aaron asked, leaning his head against his hand and letting it cover his ear casually, elbow on the table. Dave rolled his eyes and shrugged. 

“She's placed us both on suspension for a week pending an investigation, she thinks there's been some sort of _elaborate scheme_ to cover up your injuries in the explosion. I told her I was the only one who even knew about your issues during this case, so right now she's only looking into our collaboration in this scheme and I'm going to make sure it stays that way.”

Aaron regarded this information with a sour look on his face, he was anything but shocked by Strauss' move. He saw it coming, and likely Rossi had too. 

“She won't find anything,” Aaron offered, rubbing lightly at his ringing ear absentmindedly. “My physician cleared me for duty in the field with the caveat that I stay out of loud places. I made a couple of mistakes, misjudged situations, but I didn't...”

“Were you cleared to fly?” Dave asked, breaking in. Aaron stared at him, a frown creasing his brow. 

“The written clearance was vague,” he snapped. “She never said that I _couldn't_. She may have implied certain things...but not in writing.” 

“Strauss is determined to find something,” Dave continued, sipping his ice water. “As long as you didn't violate your doctor's orders she won't have a leg to stand on.”

“What about you, what's she saying you did?”

“I covered it up,” Dave replied with a smirk. “Guess she's got me there, huh?”

“Suppose so,” Aaron replied, sighing. “You're my subordinate, it'll only come back on me – you not reporting what you saw could easily be twisted to my forcing your hand.”

“I won't let that happen,” Dave said, leaning forward, his voice softer now. Aaron shrugged and smiled, a little defeated. 

“Nothing you can do about it, she's had her eye on me for years now, this will just put her one step closer to her end game. She likes you. She hates me.” 

“She's not going to get anywhere,” Dave began, but was interrupted by the waitress bringing out their food. From the looks of it, they'd ordered one of everything on the entire menu. Both men leaned back, watching the dishes fill the table and took in the intoxicating scents, neither of them having realized how hungry they were. When the waitress left, they both sat silently for a moment before beginning to dish up their plates. The loud man in the back was laughing now, long and hard, and Aaron paused for a moment to cover up his ear, flinching at the reverberations pulsing through his head. He knew that if he'd been more careful, he'd probably be fine now, but he'd done this to himself and he'd just have to push through it. 

“You okay?” Dave asked, leaning across the table and placing his hand atop Aaron's, trying to hold eye contact with the other man. Aaron nodded, closing his eyes for a moment, waiting for the man to quiet down but he just seemed to get more and more riled up. Soon the whole table was erupting in laughter and shouts and Aaron placed his other hand against his forehead and bit his lip. 

“Excuse me,” he muttered, sliding out of the booth quickly and making for the front door, bursting out into the hot summer afternoon. He leaned against the wall, just out of sight of his friend, and tried to breathe through the thunder in his head. He listened to the hum of cars driving down the road and the soft chatter of the birds in the trees, grounding himself there against the building. 

Inside, Dave had motioned for the waitress to come back to their table. 

“I'm sorry to bother you, miss, but my friend is very sensitive to loud noises...” he began, indicating the loud table with a nod of his head. “Would it be possible for us to move our meal into the lounge?”

“They're just opening it up now,” she offered with a smile. “I'd be happy to move you both in there. I'm so sorry about the noise, they can get wild sometimes but they're nice people.”

“Regulars?” Dave asked, standing from his seat and helping the waitress move their dishes into the dimly lit lounge. 

“Yeah, almost every day,” she replied, selecting a large booth in the back corner, lit only by a dim yellow lampshade that probably hadn't been dusted in a decade. 

“That's great,” Dave said, setting the plates down. “I've been in here a few times, I can see why they love it...I don't want to cause any problems for you, so thank you for letting us move.” 

“Oh! Of course! This area doesn't see much action until the after 5 crowd comes in anyway, sweetie, you guys'll have the place to yourselves as long as you want. I'll do my best to keep it quiet. Bar tender's name is Lou, but I'll come check on you too. “

“Thank you,” Dave said softly, almost flirtatiously. Who was he kidding? Flirtatiously was the only way he talked with women. 

“I'll bring your friend back when he comes inside,” she said, smiling and winking at him before heading back out into the main dining area. Dave slid into the red pleather booth and finished dishing up both he and Aaron's meals before he saw his friend come walking back into the lounge curiously, looking a bit ruffled but better than he had minutes prior. 

“You didn't have to...” Aaron began, seating himself and letting out a deep sigh. Dave just shot him a look that said to stop where he was, so he did. 

“Well, it was either move or punch him in the mouth, and he looks like the type of guy who punches back.”

“Good point. Thank you.” Aaron surveyed the table, folding his shaking hands in his lap as his head calmed down. “This is getting exhausting.”

“It's temporary,” Dave offered, digging into his food now. Aaron looked at him almost sadly for a moment and nodded. 

“It should be,” he added. “The doctor did say it could become permanent if I wasn't careful...”

Dave regarded his friend for a while, thinking of the last few days and wondering if any of that counted toward not being careful – he was pretty sure it all did, but he didn't want to say anything. 

“Well, we'll just have to learn from our mistakes. Exhuming grave sites is out, being on the front lines in a gun fight is out, and now we know noisy restaurants are a no go...”

The statement made Aaron laugh, it sounded so utterly ridiculous. If anyone had been listening they'd probably be frightened. He stabbed at a mushroom with his fork, a little concerned that his stomach wasn't ready but starving nonetheless. With a little trepidation, he put the mushroom into his mouth and chewed, savoring it for a moment before swallowing and setting his fork down. He'd wait just a minute before proceeding, out of an abundance of caution, the last thing Dave needed was another horror show. 

“So I had an idea, since we've found ourselves now with a full week off...” Dave offered, sipping his water. Aaron regarded him suspiciously for a moment before picking up his fork and continuing to eat, satisfied that his body wasn't going to reject the food. 

“Maybe more,” Aaron added, smirking. 

“Doubtful, but in any case, I'd like to take you somewhere quiet, away from the city. A place that I go sometimes just to think. Unless you'd rather go home, of course.”

“There's nothing for me there,” Aaron muttered, finishing his plate and poking at a few random pieces on the shared dishes. 

“Rest and quiet,” Dave offered with a shrug. “Both commodities you haven't had enough of lately. The place I'd like to take you isn't far from home, so if you decide you'd rather I drop you at your place, just let me know before I drive through. Don't make your decision now, let's just play it by ear.” 

“Sounds good. A little suspicious, but good.”

“Okay. Good. Fine then.”

The conversation broke off for a while as they finished up their food, the waitress coming by to refill their waters and flirt with Dave every so often. They could hear that the dining area out front was filling up, but she'd kept everyone out of the lounge except for a few solo older men who just wanted a quiet drink to themselves. After some time, Dave had wandered over and initiated a conversation with one of them and the bar tender, the bar tender having recognized him from the cover of one of his books. Aaron sat back in the shadows and watched silently as Dave regaled them with his stories, wondering how he found it so easy to just talk to anyone who approached him like they were friends. He'd rarely found it easy to speak in full sentences around people, even people he knew, and here was Dave making friends on a road trip. Every so often, Dave glanced back at Aaron and smiled, making sure his friend was still there, still OK, before turning back to his new pals. 

“He's a charmer,” the waitress said, breaking Aaron from his silent reverie. He smiled and nodded. 

“He is,” he said, noting that Dave would have had something fun or witty to say about it, but all he could muster was two words. He'd probably come up with a thousand better responses in the next few days but it didn't matter. 

“You two work together?” she asked, stacking some of the empty dishes now. Aaron nodded.

“Yeah, a long time now.”

“That's nice, to have friends where you work. What do you do?”

“We're with the FBI,” Aaron offered, his voice soft and quiet. He didn't love advertising it when he wasn't on the job, it never brought out the best in people. She didn't seem to care much, her attention kept drifting to Dave and his conversation which was clearly more entertaining. 

“That's nice. Exciting I bet. Boy, he sure is something...” and then she wandered off with the stack of plates, leaving Aaron alone again at an empty table, sipping his water. He leaned back against the cool pleather and rested his head against its soft padding, smiling. Yeah, Dave sure was something, he could agree with her on that one. He wasn't sure a lifetime would be enough to ever make up for how much Dave had done for him in the last few days, but he was certain he'd give it a shot. 

….......................

They found themselves rolling through the Charlottesville area at dinner time but decided to eat on the road, grabbing a pizza and stopping to devour it at a picnic table in a deserted park. Aaron hadn't been too keen on repeating the restaurant experience, and Dave didn't care where they ate as long as they had good pizza. The picnic table was covered in initials, carved in over the years, creating vicious splinters that gored their hands and elbows as they ate. 

“I've made my decision,” Aaron offered, wiping at his mouth with his napkin. “I'm coming with you.”

“Good,” was Dave's reply, letting his eyes drift up to the twilight sky. They'd be at his destination in another 3 hours, if he was able to drive straight through. Aaron hadn't needed to stop on this leg of the trip, though he had started to look a little green at points, he was holding it together and keeping up conversation. They'd reach their destination in the dark and have to wait until morning for any real sight seeing, but Dave didn't mind waiting – he had all week now. 

“You still won't tell me where we're going?”

“Nope. You'll just have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” Aaron asked, cocking an eyebrow and smirking. “You mean like...” but he found himself cut off by the sound of Dave's phone ringing. 

“Rossi here,” he answered, holding his phone to his ear. Aaron put his full attention now back on his pizza, trying not to eavesdrop but when you sit at the same table, it's a little challenging. It was Morgan, he could hear the man's deep, soothing voice coming through the phone and into the cool summer night. “He's right here, let me put you on speaker.”

“Hotch? You there man?” Morgan asked, his soothing voice now tinny and wrong coming from the tiny phone speaker as Dave set his phone down between them on the table. 

“Yeah,” Hotch replied, pushing his pizza aside now. “What's wrong?”

“You guys got yourselves suspended?” Morgan asked, his voice now tinted by what sounded like anger. “What the hell? Strauss just told me that its my team until further notice, she sounded pissed...what'd you guys do and how do I fix it?”

Hotch sighed and searched Dave for his reaction, but found him willing to sit this one out. “It's nothing,” he began, sighing again. “It'll blow over quickly. Just try to fly under the radar until we're back.”

“You didn't answer my question, man,” Morgan chided, irritation clear as day now in his voice. 

“Strauss thinks I violated my doctor's orders in coming back to the field and she thinks Dave was in on it,” Hotch replied, his voice monotone. “None of which is true. There's nothing to fix. It'll blow over. Just don't push her.”

“That's ridiculous,” Morgan muttered now. “We need you guys.”

“She won't find anything, we didn't _do_ anything. I was cleared to be in the field.”

“Well, Rossi did cover it up if none of us even knew what was going on....what about that?”

“She'll say I forced him to keep quiet, try to get me that way, and Dave, “ Hotch began, but Dave broke in. 

“I'll take care of it with Strauss, don't worry about it. Just lead that team and do what Hotch says, fly under the radar. We'll be back, she's got nothing solid against either one of us, but this time off...” Dave lowered his voice a little, softening the edges. He picked up the phone now, turning off the speaker and stepping away from the table and wandering a short distance. He knew Hotch wouldn't like where he was taking this conversation, and even though the other man would know he was saying it, he'd at least not force him to listen to it. “Hotch needed it. He didn't violate his doctor's orders but he needs this, Morgan. I hid it from the team because...you know him. He'd never say he was struggling but I think you saw it too. I think if you all thought about it, you'd agree. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone else, you all have every right to be upset with me, but there really wasn't time.” 

“I saw it on the plane,” Morgan sighed, all the fight having left his voice now too. “I was there with him on that street in New York, after the explosion, I couldn't believe they put him back in the field so fast. Okay. Okay I get it. One week, you hear me? _One week_.”

“Don't get yourself into any trouble, Morgan, don't lie to her. Don't argue with her. Just do as she says, and make sure the rest of the team is on board. It'll be fine.” 

“Yeah, just fine...I'm sure none of them are going to freak out when I tell them you've both been suspended.” Sarcasm, Dave noted with a smile. There was Derek. 

“Buy them some beer and pizza, they'll be fine. You'll be fine. It's only a week.” 

“You say that now...” Derek replied, and both men laughed a little nervously and said their goodbyes. Dave moved back to the table, now cleaned up and ready for them to hit the road again. 

“Ready to set out?” Dave asked, smiling. Aaron nodded and both men walked toward the car, eager to start the final leg of this day's driving.


	5. Chapter 5

They found themselves rolling through the Charlottesville area at dinner time but decided to eat on the road, grabbing a pizza and stopping to devour it at a picnic table in a deserted park. Aaron hadn't been too keen on repeating the restaurant experience, and Dave didn't care where they ate as long as they had good pizza. The picnic table was covered in initials, carved in over the years, creating vicious splinters that gored their hands and elbows as they ate. 

“I've made my decision,” Aaron offered, wiping at his mouth with his napkin. “I'm coming with you.”

“Good,” was Dave's reply, letting his eyes drift up to the twilight sky. They'd be at his destination in another 3 hours, if he was able to drive straight through. Aaron hadn't needed to stop on this leg of the trip, though he had started to look a little green at points, he was holding it together and keeping up conversation. They'd reach their destination in the dark and have to wait until morning for any real sight seeing, but Dave didn't mind waiting – he had all week now. 

“You still won't tell me where we're going?”

“Nope. You'll just have to trust me.”

“Trust you?” Aaron asked, cocking an eyebrow and smirking. “You mean like...” but he found himself cut off by the sound of Dave's phone ringing. 

“Rossi here,” he answered, holding his phone to his ear. Aaron put his full attention now back on his pizza, trying not to eavesdrop but when you sit at the same table, it's a little challenging. It was Morgan, he could hear the man's deep, soothing voice coming through the phone and into the cool summer night. “Let me put you on speaker.”

“Hotch? You there man?” Morgan asked, his soothing voice now tinny and wrong coming from the phone speaker as Dave set his phone down between them on the table. 

“Yeah,” Hotch replied, pushing his pizza aside now. “What's wrong?”

“You guys got yourselves suspended?” Morgan asked, his voice now tinted by what sounded like anger. “What the hell? Strauss just told me that its my team until further notice, she sounded pissed...what'd you guys do?”

Hotch sighed and searched Dave for his reaction, but found him willing to sit this one out. “It's nothing,” he began, sighing. “It'll blow over quickly. Just try to fly under the radar until we're back.”

“You didn't answer my question, man,” Morgan chided, irritation clear as day now in his voice. 

“Strauss thinks I violated my doctor's orders in coming back to the field and she thinks Dave was in on it,” Hotch replied, his voice monotone. “None of which is true. It'll blow over. Just don't push her.”

“That's ridiculous,” Morgan muttered now. “We need you guys.”

“She won't find anything, we didn't _do_ anything. I was cleared to be in the field.”

“Well, Rossi did cover it up if none of us even knew what was going on....what about that?”

“She'll say I forced him to keep quiet, try to get me that way, and Dave, “ Hotch began, but Dave broke in. 

“I'll take care of it with Strauss, don't worry about it. Just lead that team and do what Hotch says, fly under the radar. We'll be back, she's got nothing solid against either one of us, but this time off...” Dave lowered his voice a little, softening the edges. He picked up the phone now, turning off the speaker and stepping away from the table and wandering a short distance. “Hotch needed it. He didn't violate his doctor's orders but he needs this, Morgan. I hid it from the team because...you know him. He'd never say he was struggling but I think you saw it too. I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone else, you all have ever right to be upset with me, but there really wasn't time.” 

“I saw it on the plane,” Morgan sighed, all the fight having left his voice now too. “I was there with him on that street in New York, after the explosion, I couldn't believe they put him back in the field so fast. Okay. Okay I get it. One week, you hear me? _One week_.”

“Don't get yourself into any trouble, Morgan, don't lie to her. Don't argue with her. Just do as she says, and make sure the rest of the team is on board. It'll be fine.” 

“Yeah, just fine...I'm sure none of them are going to freak out when I tell them you've both been suspended.” Sarcasm, Dave noted with a smile. There was Derek. 

“Buy them some beer and pizza, they'll be fine. You'll be fine. It's only a week.” 

“You say that now...” Derek replied, and both men laughed a little nervously and said their goodbyes. Dave moved back to the table, now cleaned up and ready for them to hit the road again. 

“Ready to set out?” Dave asked, smiling. Aaron nodded and both men walked toward the car, eager to start the final leg of this day's driving. 

…...........

They arrived at their destination around 9pm, the sun just having set behind the trees in rural Virginia. Their stop was a beautiful white farm house, a bed and breakfast, and instantly Aaron had some regrets about agreeing to accompany Dave on this part of the trip. A bed and breakfast wasn't exactly his speed. He'd taken Hailey to one years ago and loathed every minute of it – there was zero privacy. 

“I know what you're thinking,” Dave began, smiling. “But please give it a chance. I know the owners, they're good friends of mine...we have the place to ourselves tonight.”

“Is there anyone you don't know?”

“Sure, plenty of people, but I try to lower that number every day I'm alive.” 

“You're insane,” Aaron shot with a grin. The two men got out of the car, Dave grabbing both of their bags without giving Aaron the chance, and approached the house quietly. The door opened before they knocked, bathing them in a warm glow, and they were greeted by an older woman who was grinning from ear to ear. 

“David!” she exclaimed, wrapping him in a hug that he couldn't return with the bags in his hands but she didn't seem to mind. A moment later a tall man approached from behind her, acknowledging Aaron first with a nod, and extending his hand. 

“Donald,” he said, his face serious but kind. “You must be Agent Hotchner.”

“Aaron,” was the reply, shaking the man's hand with a firm grip. “Nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all ours!” the woman gasped, now wrapping herself around Aaron, squeezing him just a little tighter than he was prepared for – his muscles tensed up around his sore midsection, but he tried to play it off by raising one arm and circling it around her, unable to do the same for the other side without some considerable pain. Dave watched his friend cautiously before diverting the innkeeper's attention back to himself, freeing Aaron from her vice grip. 

“Let me take your bags,” Donald said softly, reaching for the bags Dave was holding. Dave smiled and allowed the kindness, following behind them now as they showed the two men to their room. The house was large and decorated beautifully, simple and clean with some unique flare thrown in. Their room was up a long flight of stairs lined above with taxidermy ducks flying upward toward the sky – Aaron suddenly understood Dave's affinity for this place, it was a hunter's dream. There seemed to be taxidermy everywhere, but he had to admit that while most of it was gaudy when he saw it, this couple managed to keep it as classy as it could be. 

“Here's your room!” the woman, now having introduced herself as Leslie, exclaimed. “You'll have the whole upstairs to yourselves tonight. Your room has a private bathroom, the only one on this floor. We'll make breakfast in the morning, the menu is posted in the room. We would love it if you'd join us for a nightcap once you're all settled in, the fire is going. Please say you'll join us, Dave.”

“I will,” Dave replied with a twinkle in his eye. He simply couldn't resist. “I'll work on him.”

Leslie and Donald both laughed and made their way down the stairs, leaving Dave and Aaron standing in the doorway of their room – a large suite decorated simply with cream colored walls and brown accents. It was sweet and easy on the eyes, and so far Aaron couldn't find a dead animal in sight. 

“You could have warned me...” Aaron muttered, slipping out of his sportcoat and tossing it over the back of a wingback chair. 

“If I'd told you I was planning to bring you to a B&B, you never would have come.”

“And with good reason,” Aaron fired back, but his voice was good-natured. “These places are a nightmare.”

“These are good people, you'll love them. Plus, we got the private bathroom.”

“Great,” Aaron replied, unbuttoning his shirt now mindlessly. Dave watched, a little shocked that Aaron was undressing in front of him but not complaining. Slowly, the other man slipped out of the shirt, letting it fall to the floor behind him. He rolled his sore shoulders a few times, wincing at the tight feeling in his upper back and reached up, gingerly pulling the shirt over his head to reveal his bare back to Dave. Without even realizing it had happened at first, Dave let out a short gasp at the sight of his friend's back – it was covered in deeply marbled bruises, yellowing as they healed but still angry with blotches of fresh pink skin where there had been deep scrapes and road rash. He hadn't realized the extent of Aaron's injuries from the blast, though now looking he wasn't sure how none of them had given it a second thought – the man was blown backward into the road by a bomb and they all accepted that aside from an injury to his ear, he was otherwise unharmed, and yet the person he'd been injured alongside had died. He sure had them all fooled. Dave felt like an idiot. 

“Aaron, your back...” Dave stammered, reaching out to touch him, his fingertips tracing the scars and bruises. Aaron froze, he hadn't given much thought to what he must look like, hadn't even wanted to look in the mirror. 

“It's fine,” Aaron replied as casually as he was able. He held his breath as Dave's fingers grazed his injuries, gently tracing delicate lines among the gruesome bruises. 

“Liar,” Dave shot back, moving around now to face his friend. “That's not fine. That's absolutely not fine.” He looked at Aaron somewhat accusingly, studying his friend's face for any sign of feeling, remorse, anger, anything but his face just looked blank. 

“What do you want me to say, Dave? Look at what happens when...”

“When what? When people find out you're human?”

“No. That's not...”

“That's exactly it. You're terrified that people won't respect you if you're human, if you have the same problems us mere mortals have, so you lie to us.”

“That's not fair, Dave,” Aaron said softly, his voice catching now in his throat. He turned his eyes to the floor, utterly defeated. Dave watched him for a minute, feeling a little guilty but ultimately justified. If Aaron wanted any level of intimacy, he'd have to stop lying so easily. 

“No, Aaron, what's not fair is - “ Dave began, but Aaron bent down and picked his shirt up, painfully throwing it back over his head and down over his torso, folding his arms protectively around himself. 

“You're going to be late for your nightcap,” Aaron muttered, walking to the bathroom and shutting the door softly behind him, tears burning hot in his eyes. He leaned over the sink, breathing deep and trying to feel his way through the darkness of this hurt. He wasn't angry with Dave, there was no way Dave could have understood, no way he could have known how deep this went and no way for Aaron to share it with him, not now. He'd been willing, he'd almost done it, but Dave's interruption told him that it was better left unsaid. 

“Come down, if you want...” Dave said behind the door, giving it a little rap with his knuckles before leaving the room. Aaron tried to respond but no sound came out, he was tapped. He just wanted a shower, to wash himself clean of all of this. As he slid out of his pants, he looked down at his legs, bruised and scarred with deep wounds still looking fresh where they'd removed several chunks of shrapnel. His entire body was a map of pain, none of it fresh but all of it on display. This wasn't new, he came back from work often looking like this, feeling like this. 

After his shower, he felt better. His sore muscles weren't screaming at him from beneath a web of angry bruises anymore, he felt relaxed and ready to try and have a reasonable conversation with Dave when he returned. He'd considered putting on his sweatpants and t-shirt, but he'd decided to leave Dave an olive branch and wear nothing but a pair of running shorts, leaving all of his remaining injuries visible and on full display. If Dave wanted to see it, he'd see it. It was almost an hour after his shower before Dave came back in, smelling like fire and bourbon, and at the sight of Aaron lying there on their bed reading through a hunting magazine only partially dressed, he froze unsure of what to do next. 

“We missed you downstairs,” Dave said, finally, shutting the door behind him and slipping out of his sport coat and shoes. “Donald and Leslie are lovely people.”

“I'm sure they are,” Aaron replied, closing the magazine and glancing up at his friend now. 

“Aaron,” Dave began, seating himself on the bed beside his friend, letting his eyes take in everything on display, all of the road rash and bruises and brutal reality of what his friend had been through. “I'm sorry. I was out of line earlier, you have every right not to share these things with the team...I just thought you'd at least share them with me. I was acting selfishly. Please forgive me.”

“Of course,” Aaron replied softly. “I couldn't think of a reason to say anything about it, I'd already hidden it for so long. In the ER they treated me for shrapnel in my leg and the ear trauma, but I didn't give them an opportunity to do more. Derek showed up and I got out of there without a full assessment so we could catch the bomber, there isn't anything in my file about the rest. You want the truth? I hurt, Dave. My entire body hurts, all day and all night. I haven't really slept in over a week, my ear is ringing all the time and if things get loud it makes my head feel like it's going to explode. Walking hurts, sitting hurts, breathing hurts. I'm doing my best to just get through it, because telling people about it doesn't change my responsibility, it doesn't make it better, it just means I have to talk about it more and I'd really rather not.” 

“Understood,” Dave replied solemnly. “I had no right to accuse you of having foul motives.” 

“Can we just...can we not talk about it anymore?” Aaron's voice was almost pleading, and Dave slid back on the bed until they were side to side, shoulder to shoulder. 

“Absolutely,” Dave replied, his arm circling around Aaron's shoulders and pulling him in against him. “We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to talk about.” 

“Thank you,” Aaron said, stifling a yawn. “Tell me about your visit with your friends.” Aaron's eyes drifted shut as Dave began to speak quietly about their hosts, and he realized that Aaron was asleep not long into his speech but he kept talking anyway, worrying that if he stopped it may wake his friend up. He was perfectly content to just sit for a while, talking to no one, listening to his friend breathe those wonderful, deep sleep breaths.


	6. fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thanks so much for reading and putting up with my OTP Hotch/Rossi fluff. I've got a few more ideas in the works but this felt like a natural way to end this little trip into my dreamworld post-Mayhem/Angel Maker. It's short but I hope it doesn't disappoint!

“Little Creek Reservoir,” Dave mused, both men stepping out of the vehicle and into the fresh morning air. They'd eaten a lovely breakfast with the owners of the B&B and made their way out for the day. The sun was bright overhead but the day hadn't begun to get hot yet, there was still a cool breeze blanketing everything in the smell of seaspray and evergreen. Aaron breathed it deep into his lungs and let the feeling intoxicate his entire body. He'd slept the night prior, really slept, and now being in the open air he felt like a new person. The world felt fresh and for the first time in so long, he didn't feel like he was going to suffocate. 

“Have you been here?” Dave asked, sliding his hand into Aaron's and pulling him gently toward the trail that would lead them around the water, through the tall reeds. 

“Sure,” Aaron replied, taking in the sights. There were ducks everywhere and not another person in sight, though he knew that wouldn't last, this place would be buzzing with activity in a matter of hours. Dave had forced Aaron to wear an earplug in his bad ear, just in case any hunters were out today, and Aaron was mortified that he hadn't thought of that already. The pressure was painful at first, but the silence that followed was blissful. “Jack loves to come and play here.”

“Smart kid,” Rossi mused, shuffling them among the tall reeds around the water until finally coming to an opening where they could look out over the entire expanse of the reservoir. There were a few boats out quietly fishing, but not another soul along the banks. Dave walked right up to the water, careful not to get his shoes wet, and took it all in, feeling the memory of the last time he'd been there wash over him. 

“I come here to hunt duck,” Dave said quietly, not looking over at his friend. Aaron nodded, he knew. “Jason and I used to come, it was our favorite place to sit and forget. We'd come out here with a case of beer and pretend it was about hunting, or fishing, but it was never those things. It was peaceful here, untouched by the horrors of our daily lives. This is where I told him I was retiring.”

“I'm sure he took that well,” Aaron sighed, crouching down to feel the cool water on his fingers. His knees creaked and his muscles hollered, but the stretch felt good so he settled into that position for a minute. 

“He'd seen it coming. You know Jason. I thought I was going to tell him something, but he told me first.”

“Of course.”

“When I heard he'd left the BAU, that he'd just disappeared, I came here hoping to find something. I'd hoped to find him, if I'm being honest, but I found something else here in this spot instead. I expected to sit here and think about my years with Gideon, years of triumph and pain, but I found myself thinking about you, Aaron.”

“Me?” Aaron asked, stiffly pushing himself back into a standing position and turning his head to the side, eyeing Dave through the golden morning sunlight dripping through the reeds. 

“Don't look so shocked,” Dave chuckled. “It was a simple thought at first, that Gideon had left you and your team without a leader...but then something changed and I was thinking about our years together, the last time I'd seen you, and I realized at that moment that there was something there, between us, that I hadn't seen before or had a name for, something that when I thought about it, I almost felt like I was coming alive again...I talked to Strauss while I was standing right here, told her I was coming in to see her. I wanted to come back, I had things I still wanted to do, but more than that...I needed to be around you again, Aaron. I needed to know whether there was something really there or if my mind was just creating some sort of fairy tale reason for me to return to the field. I was either very suddenly in love with you or bored out of my mind on book tours, but I had to know.”

Aaron felt like he was sinking in the mud, like his lungs weren't bringing in enough oxygen and he was lightheaded. He could feel his stomach churning like always when emotions came into play, but he willed it to keep quiet, to stay in its place. 

“Dave,” Aaron choked out with every bit of air left in his lungs. 

“I saw the look in your eyes when Strauss walked me into your office,” Dave continued, ignoring his friend. “I felt it. Something happened right then, and when I hugged you I felt it again.”

“I - “ Aaron stammered, unable to make heads or tails of what he was hearing. He'd felt it too, but he'd always chocked it up to his despair at Gideon disappearing and his quickly unraveling marriage. It all heaped on at once, and he had no idea how to process any of it. When they'd hugged there, in his office, he felt like he suddenly had an anchor in a world that was spinning out of control. He felt like there was solid ground beneath his feet again. 

“I know. I know, Aaron. You don't need to say anything. Let me talk.”

“Okay,” came Aaron's choked reply. 

“Your friendship means the world to me. It's seen me through some very dark times. You're a lighthouse, a beacon when the sea is stormy and I can't find my way. When I watched that explosion in New York, Aaron I felt like my world had gone up in flames with the city, like all the air had been sucked out of my lungs and I was suffocating until Derek was with you and that you were alright. Alive, you were alive. Maybe not alright but...alive. It was that moment that made me realize I couldn't keep hanging back in the shadows, waiting for you to realize how special you were to me...you'll never understand what you mean to the people who love you, your nature won't allow it. That's okay. It's okay, but I had to try.”

The two men stood in silence, listening to the birds chirping and the bugs buzzing around them, their hands still locked tight. 

“I almost lost you that night, and the reality of our jobs is that I might lose you every day...but I need you to know that it would be a _loss_. Not just for the team, but for _me_. One I might never recover from if I never told you these things while I could still look into your eyes and hear you breathing.”

Aaron felt the hot sting of tears welling up in his eyes and he swiped at them with his free hand, sucking in another great breath of air. 

“You uh - “ Aaron began, trying to steady his voice as his eyes darted around the reservoir, trying to find his balance. He cleared his throat and squinted at his friend now, through the brightening sunlight. When he found his voice, it was deep and forced and he cleared his throat more than once to keep it from disappearing again. “You could have your pick of anyone – women fall all over you everywhere you go. Why would you pick me?”

Dave laughed, shaking his head. “You just don't get it. I didn't _pick_ you. I never looked at you and said I'll take that one, Aaron...one moment I met you, and the next moment I couldn't live without you and I don't know all the steps that happened in between, but I'm glad they did.”

“Yeah...because I've made your life so much easier...” Aaron was smiling now, dripping with self-deprecating humor, his ultimate defense mechanism when everything else failed. 

“Absolutely not,” Dave replied stubbornly. “You've made things infinitely harder, but also _better_. So much better. Now just shut up and let me kiss you...” Both men laughed before Dave approached, encircling Aaron with his arms now and pulling him in until they couldn't get any closer, their lips meeting in a kiss that filled both of them with a feeling that everything was right in the world, even if it was just for that moment. They would still have to deal with Strauss, there would still be killers doing unspeakable things who needed to be caught, and Aaron still had a lot of healing to do – but right there, in Little Creek Reservoir where Dave had seen it all unfold before his eyes, everything was fine. 


End file.
